nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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