I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
