fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
