Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
