I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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