mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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