I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love having hate sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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