yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize