True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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