Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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