so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Holy sore nipples Batman
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
