what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
