Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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