i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
