Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize