It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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