I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
