hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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