I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
