I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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