if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
