sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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