Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
