Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
