So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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