I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
