I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
