We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
