I cannot find my penis.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
