i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
