i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
