i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
