Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
