I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize