this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
