Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
