It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
