be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
