when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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