My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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