shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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