I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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