I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
