I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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