addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
