good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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