dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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