Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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