So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.