Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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