I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
