I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
