I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
