So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I won the penis lottery.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
