While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
