Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
