I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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