i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
