Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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