I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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