P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
