3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
