ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
