my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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