Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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