Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
