Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
