My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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