I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
