Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
